On an introductory note let me preface this post by saying that I in no way claim to be an expert on marriage. My husband and I have been married for less than a month and we’re still learning a lot of things about being married. If you want expert advice,talk to people who have been into this for a long time, and yes I would love to take in some tips too. Sharing is what gives me pleasure, so I can only pen down my experiences. Further, I assure you that, despite the tone of this post, being married is a total bliss if you want it to be. However, I don’t want people to be delusional about what marriage is or is not. So let this post be limited to what marriage does not always do to you, if you remain firm on some decisions and yes cajole your partner also to plunge in with your decisions, which is absolutely doable.
Marriage is very beautiful, blessed and sacred. It is a full-time job requiring a lot of spiritual, mental, and emotional strength. There are far worse fates in life than to live it as a single person. But if you feel you have the fortitude to fully submit to another person until one of you leaves this earth, by all means go for it.There is honestly no nobler thing than to dedicate your life to someone other than yourself, which is essentially what marriage is. Sometimes it’s the least romantic parts of marriage that have the most to teach you about yourself, your partner, and the nature of love. Well stereotypical as we might be there are hundreds of things about marriage that actually do not change your life if you follow your way of living and do not change your principles and views because, relatives, people, society are thronging them in your head.
The natural feelings that you have for your partner should and never change if it is true love. You loved a person, not a thing, for his compassion, for his attitude, for his swag towards you and most of all, because it was selfless, if these things hold true, nothing else will change. It will be treated just as a ceremony that threaded your bond. No commitment fears, no unwanted affection but true feelings. It will not make you more mature, more loyal to your partner, or better at housework. Marriage will not make you grow up, you have to do that yourself. Emotional development requires thought, hard work, and self-exploration, and all of that can be done with a partner, but don’t assume that it will automatically happen. The behavior of your spouse towards you will not change as well. They will be what they are, just a bit more understanding, a bit more commanding and most of all, adaptable, otherwise there is no meaning to being with each other for the rest of your life.
Do not make a mistake to paint a picture with a rosy glass and giving it a deaf ear. Marriage takes a lot of effort, as you are going to be with one person for the rest of your life. You have to spend it with him or her. You are supposed to bear the tantrums and share problems with one person all your life. Food, travel, fashion, hobbies, likes, dislikes, everything has to be known and got used to, to know this person from top to bottom, to enjoy and live with him. You will even share your bed for the rest of your life, with one person, and that is a huge thing. Attitudes about “grown-up” things like children, religion, how to spend money, and work ethic will not be affected by marriage. People don’t take vows and then immediately get on the same page about these issues, it requires tough conversations and work, work that is best done before you walk down the aisle.
You have a killer teammate for that game called life. You need to form a crazy bond and be like best friends, flexible and open to each other.Your spouse becomes more and more like a blood relative and less like that hot guy that used to wash dishes at your sorority house. You are each others maid for life is what marriage is all about too. You have to be selfless and giving when needed, but not always. You always have a trusted partner when you want to try the unwanted stuff too. In addition, your spousal best friend will stand with you as a united front against unreasonable parents, deadbeat landlords, and even ghosts from hell.They will never fail to laugh at your poorly developed jokes about masturbation and dickheads, and they will always have your back. I mean this literally, that kind of openness is god given.
Well marriage taught me a lot of things and do it you will and if you made the decision to make this arrangement of inviting one person in your life who will invade your privacy but of course respect and treasure you too. Marriage is not defined as commitment but life long friendship and a strength to built up for someone else too. If you are ready and want to have that best buddy in your life, who will never ever let you down, then go for it. Otherwise single and ready to mingle is also not all that bad!
Cheers to a most importantly – healthy life!
Rucha Sudhir Khot