Three days after I gave birth to Flora I was in a totally brand new aspect of life. I was not myself at all, some sort of mystic reincarnation took place. Adapting to breastfeeding Flora, wearing these weird set of clothes that I never wore in my life, mesh panties, catheters, and old, boring gowns. No one told me my belly would just bulge for the time being, no one uttered a word on those lonely, weary nights when I could not bear the lactation pains, no one said anything about those dreadful backaches. And the worst was that pathetic bleeding experience of three weeks, a first time mother does not know these harsh truths.
I spent hours crying on the hospital bed unknown of which body part gave me more trouble, it was an experience of continuous share of pain killers and vitamin drops. I was full of emotion when I saw my baby girl. She was finally there after 9 months and 1week, but wait, she was not secured anymore, and that was a frightening emotion. I looked at Kris when he arrived on the fourth day and thought, though I had made it through the labor and her birth I just cried uncontrollably out of the blue worrying about her, being possessive about her, and wanting to keep all bad omens away from Flora.
A C section delivery comes with its share of shenanigans. You get ripped on your way down, because pushing is utterly painful, so you opt for the cut, after 9 hours of agony, I decided that Flora needed to be out safe and sound. You cannot go to the washroom for three days, you have to just lie there in bed, then, you cannot walk around like a timid rabbit for six weeks and need to control your walk and posture. I used to think will I ever be normal again, but after 4 weeks now, things changed. I became active, I could walk and kneel around my house. In this whole process I unknowingly signed up for weakness and back ache until I could let my baby be on my own. I strongly feel being a mother is the ultimate sacrifice. You give up your blooming body for 9 months to create that perfect life. Childbirth is one helluva tenacity that changes a woman forever. I was lucky to have my mother by my side who helped me lose a huge chunk of my pre – pregnancy weight through a rich protein diet, fibre rich foods, less sugar, no sweets, dollops of ghee and avoiding carbs by resorting to various types of millets. Childbirth gives you the privilege to remain patient through leaps, cluster feeding and growth spurts. I literally let go off all shame and started meeting everyone in my house gowns to avoid the hassle of feeding. Latching your baby to feeding is like an achievement of your life. Babies these days are so smart that they even recognise the difference between nipple shields and bottle nipples.
Establishing that latch means you nourished your baby right. Don’t ever discredit a mother. You don’t know the other half of their lives. I was a summer bloom before I gave birth to Flora, chirpy, bold and fearless, and look at me now, I am Flora’s Mumma, possessive, worried and restless.
– Rucha Sudhir Khot